


Impossible Affairs

by VigilantePond



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, F/F, F/M, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, comedy of manners, play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-12-16 00:51:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21027554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VigilantePond/pseuds/VigilantePond
Summary: Victorian London. Lord Ethan Hunt announces his engagement to Lady Alanna Mitsopolis, and tries to fix the problems between his friend Sir Benjamin Dunn and Lady Ilsa Faust's loveless marriage. However, as the pair of couples spend more time together, the unexpected happens and both duos realize they had fallen for the wrong person... and the wrong gender...





	1. Act I

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been reading a lot of Victorian plays for school lately (mainly comedies, Oscar Wilde, etc. I will be using those for reference), so I thought I'd try my best at writing something of the sort... Like I said, I'm basing this off of comedies that I've read so it will be along the line of scandals, gossip, and misunderstandings. Note that I'm VERY new to this, and there will probably be mistakes in formatting, language, etiquette, and formalities (eg. calling her Lady Ilsa Faust when she should probably be Lady Dunn), etc. but I will try my best!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Hunt hosts a party, and naturally, people gossip.

IMPOSSIBLE AFFAIRS: A Play in Five Acts

THE CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY

Lord Ethan Hunt

Sir Benjamin Dunn 

Lady Ilsa Faust

Lady Alanna Mitsopolis 

Lane, butler

Mr. Luther Stickell

Mr. William Brandt 

Miss Jane Carter

Miss Sabine Moreau

Lady Julia Meade 

Act I 

SCENE I

_Lord Hunt’s drawing room. The party guests are mingling and gossiping with each other. _

MISS CARTER What do you suppose the grand announcement is?

MISS MOREAU Oh, isn’t it obvious? It must be an engagement, I am certain. 

_Enter Lady Meade_

LADY MEADE Engaged? To whom? 

MISS CARTER Dear heavens, Julia. You gave me quite a fright. 

LADY MEADE My apologies. I am merely curious. 

MISS JANE I hear she is quite wealthy. 

MISS MOREAU Yes, and considerably younger than he.

LADY MEADE I see. 

MISS CARTER Although… I did hear about the _questionable _origins of her wealth. 

MISS MOREAU Something about the family business. Ammunitions factory? 

MISS CARTER Yes, something of the sort. 

LADY MEADE Ah. Excuse me, I must go to the powder room. 

_Exit Lady Meade_

MISS CARTER Poor girl. She was once married to Lord Hunt, was she not? 

MISS MOREAU I thought they were only engaged, but you must be right. How dreadful for her. 

MISS CARTER I wonder why they separated.

MISS MOREAU The usual, I assume. 

SCENE II 

_Enter Lord Hunt, Lady Mitsopolis, Sir Benjamin Dunn, Lady Faust_. Lady Mitsopolis is on Lord Hunt’s arm, and Lady Faust on Sir Benjamin’s. 

LORD HUNT Welcome, everybody. I have an important announcement to make to-day. I am to wed Lady Mitsopolis in a fortnight, and I am cordially inviting you all to the wedding. 

_Enter Lane. He hands out invitations to each guest. _

LADY MITSOPOLIS At last, an excuse to throw a party! Oh how I adore parties. Who would like some champagne? 

LADY FAUST I believe free champagne is a recipe for disaster.*

MISS MOREAU Oh, I would love some. Congratulations, dear. 

LADY MITSOPOLIS Ah, of course the French know how to have a good time. Come with me, ladies. 

_Exit Lady Mitsopolis, Lady Faust, and Miss Moreau._

SCENE III

SIR DUNN Congratulations, Lord Hunt. As your dear friend, I am so very happy for you. 

LORD HUNT Thank you, Sir Benjamin. I hope my marriage can be as wonderful as yours and Lady Fausts’. 

SIR DUNN Wonderful? What makes you think that? 

LORD HUNT What is the matter? Are you not happy with your marriage? 

SIR DUNN I am not exactly _unhappy_, but I do not think… Never-mind. We shall only speak of _your _engagement and happiness on this day. 

LORD HUNT Thank you, my friend, but if you are unhappy then how can I enjoy myself? Tell me, what is the problem? 

SIR DUNN Well, Lady Faust is fine. She is a beautiful and intelligent woman, but sometimes our love feels empty, like a bag full of holes. No matter how much gold we place

inside, it is still empty. 

LORD HUNT How curious. Perhaps if you and Lady Faust join us for lunch to-morrow I can help you fix your problems. 

SIRDUNN That sounds splendid, Lord Hunt. I shall look forward to that. 

SCENE IV

_Enter Lady Mitsopolis and Lady Faust_. 

LADY MITSOPOLIS Hello, Ethan dear. Would you like some champagne? 

LORD HUNT No thank you, darling. And I believe you are quite intoxicated. 

LADY MITSOPOLIS Nonsense! Am I intoxicated, Lady Faust?

LADY FAUST Pshaw! The very idea! 

SIR DUNN My dear Ilsa. You are intoxicated as well. 

LORD HUNT Anyways, as I was saying. To-morrow the four of us will have lunch together.

LADY MITSOPOLIS Together! How splendid. I was beginning to enjoy Lady Faust’s company very much. I believe we are going to be the best of friends. 

LADY FAUST Indeed. We are going to have the most splendid time!

ACT DROP 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Jenny Lind quote from The Greatest Showman


	2. ACT II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four have tea at Lord Hunt's and they bond with each other. Meanwhile, more gossip arises.

ACT II

SCENE I

_Lord Hunt’s garden. There is a table full of cucumber sandwiches, English muffins, cakes, and tea. Lady Faust sits next to Sir Dunn and across from Lady Mitsopolis. Lord Hunt is across from Sir Dunn. _

SIR DUNN Oh how marvellous, I adore muffins. 

LORD HUNTI specifically ordered them because I know they are your favourite. 

SIR DUNNHow thoughtful of you! 

LORD HUNTLane! 

_Enter Lane _

LANEYes, my lord? 

LORD HUNTBring us more muffins.

LANEYes, my lord. 

_ Exit Lane _

SIR DUNNMore tea, Ethan?

LORD HUNTYes please. 

SIR DUNNOne cube of sugar, just the way you like it. 

LORD HUNTAh, you know me so well. 

SIR DUNNOf course, I value our friendship very much. Er- Ilsa would you like some tea as well? 

LADY FAUSTYes, my love. 

_ Lady Ilsa moves her arm to give Sir Dunn her cup but accidentally knocks over Lord Hunt’s cup of tea, spilling it onto his cuffs. Lady Ilsa instinctively grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it, her fingers brushing with his hand and lingering on it for too long. Their eyes meet. _

LADY FAUSTOh dear, I am so sorry. How terribly clumsy of me. 

LORD HUNTDo not worry about it, Lady Faust. It is merely a stain. 

_ Sir Dunn’s eyes fixate on their hands, and Lady Faust immediately takes her hand away. _

SIR DUNN (_clears throat_) Are you alright, Ethan? 

LORD HUNTYes, yes I am fine. Lane! Oh, where has that wretched servant gone? Never-mind, I shall change into another shirt myself. 

SIR DUNNAre you sure? Hot tea can cause quite a burn. 

LADY MITSOPOLISLet me see. _(inspects his wrist) _I am sure you will be fine, darling. 

LORD HUNT (_rises) _Excuse me for a moment. Continue to enjoy the food.

_Exit Lord Hunt_

SIR DUNN (_rises_) I think it is best that I come with you. 

_Exit Sir Dunn _

LADY MITSOPOLIS (_scoffs) _Men! They are so dramatic over the most trivial of things. 

LADY FAUSTIt is most amusing. 

LADY MITSOPOLIS (_eyes resting on Lady Faust’s bosom)_Lady Faust, your necklace is absolutely gorgeous. 

LADY FAUSTThank you. 

LADY MITSOPOLISMay I touch it, Lady Faust? 

LADY FAUSTYes, you may. Please, call me Ilsa. We are friends now.

LADY MITSOPOLIS (_reaching over_) The colour— it matches your eyes. It looks like a beautiful storm… I never knew storms could be beautiful like this. 

LADY FAUST (_smiling_) Thank you, Alanna. You have the bluest eyes I have ever seen. 

_Enter Sir Dunn and Lord Hunt, wearing a new shirt. _

LORD HUNTHello, ladies. What have we missed? 

LADY MITSOPOLISI was just taking a look at Ilsa’s gorgeous necklace. 

LADY FAUSTIt was a gift from Benjamin, actually. 

SIR DUNNIt was? 

LADY FAUSTYes, we bought it in Vienna.

SIR DUNN Of course. (_aside_) How come I have no recollection of this? 

LADY FAUSTAlanna, you must visit the Vienna opera house sometime. I had the most splendid time.

_Enter Lane _

LANEYour muffins, my lord. 

LORD HUNTThank you.

_Exit Lane _

LORD HUNTWhere did he get these muffins from, France? It took him a thousand years to return!

LADY MITSOPOLISDo not be so dramatic, Ethan. 

SIR DUNN_I _personally find him very humorous. 

LORD HUNTThank you for always understanding me, Benjamin. 

LADY FAUSTSo, how did you and Lord Hunt meet? 

LADY MITSOPOLISActually, it was in France five months ago. I was hosting a party and there he was — a dashing gentleman. 

LORD HUNTYou flatter me too much. 

LADY MITSOPOLISHow did you and Sir Dunn meet, Ilsa?

LADY FAUSTIt was three years ago, in Vienna. 

SIR DUNNtwo years, actually. 

LADY FAUSTNo, I am certain it was three. 

SIR DUNN Really? I- I must be mistaken. 

LADY FAUSTOh, look at the time. I am afraid it is time for our next engagement. 

SIR DUNNThank you for lunch, Ethan and Lady Mitsopolis. It was a pleasure. 

LADY FAUSTYes, thank you. 

LORD HUNTThe pleasure is ours. 

LADY MITSOPOLISDo come around again! 

LADY FAUSTI most certainly will.

_ Exeunt. _

SCENE II 

_Mr. Luther Stickell, Mr. William Brandt, Miss Carter, and Miss Moreau are riding horses through the forest. _

MISS MOREAUDid you hear? Lady Mitsopolis has been visiting Sir Dunn’s house very often lately. 

MR. STICKELLWell, perhaps they are friends. 

MISS MOREAUPerhaps, but I think it is quite odd as she is soon to be married in a fortnight. 

MR. BRANDTLord Hunt has never been very good with women or marriages in the past. I hope she lasts. 

MISS CARTERPrecisely, and Sir Dunn seems to be a poor match for Lady Faust. She is too independent and he is too meek. 

MR. BRANDTShe is already five-and-thirty, she would have been a spinster if not for him. 

MISS MOREAU Actually, I heard from Lord August Walker that Lady Mitsopolis sometimes goes there very late in the evening…_ unaccompanied_! Now tell me, what is a good woman doing out at that hour? 

MR. STICKELLHow is Lord Walker so sure? 

MISS CARTERHis brother Sir John Lark lives in the house nearby. He can see it all. 

MR. STICKELLWell, the question of goodness is rather complicated. One must think of both manners and morals— 

MR. BRANDTAnd she lacks both! 

MR. STICKELLHow can you say so, Mr. Brandt? 

MR. BRANDTShe is a woman with a very mysterious past, not to mention the rumours about her family. I do not trust her. 

MR. STICKELL (_aside_) I cannot stand London society. How vile they must be, to talk about their own friends this way. 

ACT DROP 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a week to realize whoops maybe if Lady Faust was married she would have her husband's surname but oh well... just threw my accuracy/credibility out the window haha


	3. Act III

ACT III 

SCENE I 

_The parlour at Sir Dunn’s house. Sir Dunn is out of town to visit a sick relative, Mr. Bunbury_. _Lady Mitsopolis visits Lady Faust at half past ten at night. _

LADY MITSOPOLISMy dear Ilsa. How do you do? 

LADY FAUST (_kisses her hand_) Quite well now that you are here. I hope there was no trouble getting in here, and avoiding the maids. 

LADY MITSOPOLISOh no, not at all. I have done this so many times now, I have become quite the expert. 

LADY FAUST (_laughs_) You are so good, you could become a spy. 

LADY MITSOPOLISPerhaps. Anyhow, it is good to see you. 

LADY FAUSTIt is good to see you too. I have awaited this moment all day long. 

LADY MITSOPOLIS _(tucks a strand of hair behind Lady Faust’s ear and holds the side of her face)_ My Ilsa, you are so beautiful — simply heavenly. I have never seen a woman so beautiful before in my life, and I have seen many women. Before I met you, I thought I would get jealous at your beauty but instead I find myself… captivated. How I long to be Sir Dunn, to be able to go to bed with you each night and wake in the morning with you by my side. Some men do not realize how fortunate they are. What a waste, not to cherish the marvellous Lady Ilsa Faust. 

LADY FAUSTI feel the same way about you, dear Alanna. Oh, must you marry Lord Hunt? 

LADY MITSOPOLISWe are already betrothed. Besides, it is not as if you and I could possibly…

LADY FAUSTOh, hush. I do not want to hear it. 

_ Lady Faust presses their foreheads together. She puts her arm around Lady Mitsopolis’ waist and kisses her. _

LADY MITSOPOLISIf not for Lord Hunt, I would never have met you. 

LADY FAUSTYou are right. How fortunate I am. 

_Lady Mitsopolis eyes Lady Faust’s necklace again. She begins to kiss Lady Faust behind her ear, trailing down from her neck to her collarbones, and finally to her bosom where the necklace rests. Suddenly, they hear voices from down the corridor. _

LADY FAUSTQuick, behind the screen. 

_ Lady Faust and Lady Mitsopolis hide behind the screen. _

_ Enter Sir Dunn and Lord Hunt. _

LORD HUNTWhat is it that you wish to discuss with me? Is it about your wife? 

SIR DUNNYes. I- I suspect that she cares for somebody else. 

_Lady Faust becomes stiff behind and the screen and exchanges frightened looks with Lady Mitsopolis. _

LORD HUNT Nonsense! She loves you. (_aside_) Oh dear, I hope he does not mean _me. _Could he think such a thing? That Lady Faust and _I _are… 

SIR DUNNHow can you be so certain? After all, it _was _a rather transactional marriage in the first place… I am not even sure of what love _is_. 

LORD HUNTWell, to me, love is caring deeply for someone. To attend to one’s needs, to feel great affection, to enjoy one’s company, and to be willing to take the greatest risks for one another. 

SIR DUNNYes, I think I am familiar with such feelings… only… 

_Sir Dunn stares at Lord Hunt in an epiphany, then looks to the ground and ponders in silence. _

LORD HUNTOnly what? 

SIR DUNN_(clears throat_) Nevermind. Oh, Ethan, your buttonhole complements your eyes very well. 

LORD HUNTThank you. I must say, I have grown quite fond of green carnations lately. 

SIR DUNNThey are quite lovely flowers. 

_ Lord Hunt and Sir Dunn turn to look at the garden outside the window. Lady Faust and Lady Mitsopolis sneak out of the screen and exit the parlour room._

LORD HUNTDo not worry, I will make sure there will be no problems. 

SIR DUNNHow will you do that? 

LORD HUNTI will find a way, trust me. 

_ Exit Lord Hunt and Sir Dunn. _

Sodomy

SCENE II

_Library in Sir Dunn’s house._

PHELPSMy lady, this letter arrived this morning. 

LADY FAUST_(takes the letter) _A letter from Lord Hunt? I wonder what for! Thank you, Phelps. Oh, and I am not at home to anyone who calls. 

PHELPSYes, my lady. 

_Exit Phelps_

LADY FAUSTHow curious. _(She opens the letter and reads it_) ‘Dear Lady Faust, meet me at the train station at noon. Yours sincerely, E.H.’ Why would he send this? I do not understand. What could he possibly want to do with me? _(Paces around the room_) Shall I meet him? Oh, it would be incredibly rude if I did not… I wonder what he wants. 

_Lady Faust takes a paper-knife and slips it into her boot just in case. _

SCENE III

_King’s Cross, Great Northern Railway_ _terminus. There are unsuspecting people moving along but not lingering. Lord Hunt stands near a wall, waiting. _

LORD HUNTLady Faust. I am glad you could come. 

LADY FAUSTGood afternoon, Lord Hunt. To what do I owe this pleasure? 

LORD HUNT _(looks around and behind his shoulders_) I needed to speak with you about something, and I could not have anybody eavesdrop. 

LADY FAUSTVery well. What is the matter? 

LORD HUNTListen, Lady Faust. Your husband loves you very much, and you should cherish him, for you are extremely fortunate. He is a wonderful gentleman and the greatest person I have ever known. 

LADY FAUSTMy husband? What has he got to do with this? 

LORD HUNT (_sighs_) I must be frank with you, Lady Faust. Whatever feelings you may have towards me, I do not reciprocate them and I cannot accept. 

LADY FAUST_Feelings_? For you? What kind of feelings? 

LORD HUNTWhy, romantic, of course. 

LADY FAUST(_laughs_) I- You are terribly mistaken, Lord Hunt. I have no such intentions. 

LORD HUNTOh, thank heavens. I was so worried… 

LADY FAUSTI am glad my husband has a friend like you. You care for him so deeply. (_aside) _Sometimes I think he loves Benjamin more than I do. 

LORD HUNTIt is my honour to be his friend. Alright, we shall leave separately in case we are seen. 

LADY FAUSTGood bye, Lord Hunt. 

_Exit Lady Faust_

ACT DROP


	4. ACT IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale and curtain call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok when I first wrote this IDK why I thought it would be a good idea but now I'm on the verge of orphaning it cause I'm like "what was I thinking" anyways I just wanted to complete it

ACT IV

SCENE I

_Sir Dunn’s house. Lady Faust is in the parlour._

_Enter Lindsey (maid)_

LINDSEYHere are the fruits you requested, my lady.

LADY FAUST (_takes bowls)_Thank you. 

_Lady Faust examines the plates and frowns_. _There are strawberries and green grapes in one bowl, and raspberries placed with red grapes in the other. _

LADY FAUSTLindsey, I have a question.

LINDSEYYes, my lady?

LADY FAUSTSay the raspberries and strawberries belonged together, and the green grapes and red grapes belonged together. Shall I move them? Would it not be the correct thing to do?

LINDSEYI am afraid I do not understand, my lady. I apologize, I am not very educated-

LADY FAUSTNever mind. That is, all. 

_Exit Lindsey _

LADY FAUSTI have a brilliant idea. 

_Lady Faust withdraws several envelopes and papers from the drawer, and begins to write. _

LADY FAUST‘_My Dear Friend Ethan, Meet me at my house at half past six this evening. I have something urgent to discuss with you. You are the one for me. Your friend, Benjamin.’ _That shall do. (_Puts the letter in an envelope and writes a new letter_) ‘_My Dear Friend Benjamin, I have something urgent to discuss with you and I will be coming to your house at around half past six. I cannot hide my feelings for you any longer. Your friend, Ethan_.’ Just one more… ‘_Dearest Alanna, I have devised a brilliant plan. You must come to my house at around half past six, after your husband arrives. You must witness this. Love, Ilsa.’ _Perfect. 

_Lady Faust seals the three envelopes and addresses each of them. _

LADY FAUSTLindsey!

_Enter Lindsey _

LINDSEYDid your ladyship ring for me? 

LADY FAUSTPlease deliver these two letters, and give this one to Sir Dunn. Do not tell him I instructed you to do so. 

LINDSEYYes, my lady. 

_Exit Lindsey_

SCENE II 

_Sir Dunn’s library. Sir Dunn is anticipating Lord Hunt’s visit and pacing back and forth nervously. Lady Faust is hiding and listening from behind a shelf. _

_Enter Lindsey _

LINDSEYLord Ethan Hunt 

_Enter Lord Hunt. Exit Lindsey. _

LORD HUNTBenjamin. 

SIR DUNN Ethan. The urgent matters that you wished to discuss- do you truly have feelings for me? 

LORD HUNT I suppose I cherish you very much…And I am… the one for you? (_aside_) I haven’t a clue what is happening. My face feels so warm. 

SIR DUNN Yes, you are. (_aside_) How did he figure it out? How was I blind to my own feelings? 

LORD HUNT I am afraid your wife is aware that I care for you deeply. She said so herself. 

SIR DUNN Oh, no our wives! You have not even married yours yet. 

LORD HUNT How will I explain to Alanna? 

SIR DUNN Did you not think about it before you sent the letter? 

LORD HUNTLetter? I did not write you any letters. 

SIR DUNN Hold on, you-

_A noise emerges from behind a shelf as Lady Faust knocks over a book_. 

LORD HUNTWho is there? 

_Lord Hunt and Sir Dunn walk behind the shelf and see Lady Faust hiding_. 

LADY FAUST Lord Hunt. Benjamin. 

SIR DUNN Ilsa? What are you- 

LORD HUNTNever mind, she must have heard everything. 

_Sir Dunn looks perplexed._

LORD HUNT In fact, if I may suggest… _you, _Lady Faust, orchestrated everything. I did not write any letters, they must have been sent by you to trick us into confessing our feelings for one another. The question is, why? 

LADY FAUST Yes. You are absolutely correct. I wrote the letters on your behalf, but I was only writing what was already true in your hearts. 

LORD HUNT Why? 

_Enter Lady Mitsopolis _

LADY MISTOPOLIS Because, my friends. Dear Ilsa and I are in love. 

SIR DUNN In love? Since when? 

LADY MITSOPOLIS It just happened so fast. Apologies, dear Ethan. You are quite the gentleman but we are not suitable for each other. I am sure you know that deep down. 

LORD HUNT I- I do not know what to say. 

SIR DUNN What about your wedding? What will you do? 

LADY MITSOPOLIS Oh, we are still getting married. Nobody will suspect a thing. 

SIR DUNN That sounds impossible! Surely somebody will notice. 

LORD HUNT I am certain we will be quite good at impossible affairs. 

CURTAIN 


End file.
